A Parent’s Guide to Cyberbullying – How to Protect and Educate Your kids

We all spend a great deal of time immersed in digital. Be it on cell phones or staring into computer screens, today’s technology is a fascinating resource for information sharing, and an excellent communication tool. Our children are immersed in this technology too, embracing its ability to entertain, challenge, educate and connect to the world.  Developmental Psychologist at the University of Louisville, Judith Danovitch, has said, “the internet is going to shape children’s’ thinking for the rest of their lives”.

To protect your precious children from cyberbullying, you, as a caring parent, must understand that your supervision is critical to their internet safety. It is imperative that you communicate with them about the responsibilities and perils of cyber participation, the importance of anonymity online, and the perils of being victimized by sustained “bully mentality”.

9 Commonly Used Forms of Cyberbullying

The internet has become the perfect environment in which to morph traditional, bullying, face to face interaction, into online, faceless, shameless, anonymous and unending harassment, through emails, texting and social media. This digital age, filled with selfies, social media, camera phones and editing software, allows this negative, destructive, behavior to thrive. The instant, wide-spread effects of cyberbullying are exactly what a power-seeking bully or bullying group craves.  Knowing the forms that cyberbullying uses, helps parents be more preemptive in preventing or negating its impact on their children.

The most commonly used forms of cyberbullying are:

• Trolling – posting offensive and hurtful content online to provoke an argument and feel powerful
• Masquerading – creating a fake I.D. to remain anonymous while sending messages that intimidate, threaten and insult their victim
• Social Exclusion – messaging a target child to let them know that they are not accepted by their peers
• Cyber-Stalking – use of technology to persistently send numerous threatening messages to invoke fear
• Outing – distributing pictures, videos and text which are explicit, and designed to humiliate and embarrass the recipient (image-based abuse)
• Fraping – logging into a social network account as an imposter, to post inappropriate content in their name
• Trickery – deceitfully gaining trust through friendship to gather and publish personal and embarrassing information
• Blogobullying – creating a blog for the purpose of making a child or teen the subject of derogatory statements which can stay in search engines indefinitely
• Happy Slapping – being assaulted or embarrassed in person, and having the incident video taped and published online

Knowledge of this insidious, and often criminal behavior, and the existing penalties for using electronics to cause harm, is the foundation to proactive preparations to prevent cyberstalking.

Being aware of this behavior, and the very real, harmful effects of providing personal information, imagery, or passwords, online, with children and teens, is essential in keeping them from experiencing victimization.

Parents Must Foster the Core Value – Empathy

Parents must encourage, exhibit in their own behavior, and acknowledge their children’s acts of kindness and empathy. Neuroscience research states that 98% of all human beings have the innate ability to care about the wellbeing of others. When parents exhibit emotional coaching, by reacting with heightened enthusiasm for every selfless, helpful, confident, and character building activity children undertake; and offering the same praise and positive attention for relating to the feelings of others, that is given for academic and athletic excellence, they are building an invaluable core value. Being empathetic gives children the best tool for building true friendships, self-esteem and excellent social skills.

Cyberbullying Prevention – Parental Guidelines

Nurturing parents need to be good listeners, focusing on their children’s concerns, resolving disagreements, and giving relatable reasons for “helicoptering” and saying “no”.  When children know that they are being heard, with fairness, and without judgement or penalties, a path toward emotional maturation forms.  Having parents who truly listen and care, is a great first step in cyberbullying prevention.  The Fipple app empowers parents to be proactive in the active listening, monitoring and awareness of cyberbullying. With real-time alerts, 360 degree and 24/7 monitoring, no words are left unnoticed.

Establishing firm and specific rules for using technology is crucial in preventing children and teens from cyberbullying.  Protect your family from this cycle of aggression by:

1. Putting Parental Controls on gaming networks, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter and other social media sites, and android and iPhone devices that they use.
2. Explaining the necessity of using 8-character passwords which incorporate capital letters, numbers, and lower-case letters, in more complicated configurations which are not easily hacked.
3. Knowing and keeping informed about the acronyms being used by children and teens. This must not become a second language that they use to keep adults uniformed.
4. Checking and discussing the contacts that are listed on the sites your child frequents on social media and gaming sites. Know who they are communicating with, if possible.
5. Encouraging your child to stand up to bullying by their own actions in not forwarding inappropriate content they see on-line
6. Empowering children to show by their behavior and attitude that cyberbullying is not acceptable, nor respected.
7.  Being informed about vague booking and other types of secretive cyberbullying. Don’t let cyberbullies have any place to hide.

It may be impossible to stop every type of cyberbullying that occurs.  However, preparing for this event and empowering yourself and your family through:  constant, positive dialogue about online experiences and usage, growing your techie knowledge at a pace that keeps you a viable go-to person for your children’s online issues, limiting screen time and other devices, and having “no-phone-zones” or even hours and strict usage guidelines in place, gives you every advantage in keeping your children “bully free”.

The Fipple app is an extraordinary tool which records every keystroke, date and time.   Alphanumeric, encrypted and invisible characters are all available, with the most advanced surveillance technology.  If a problem is being created, you will know about it and be able to keep your keep your children safe.

Welcome back to our Monthly Real-life stories.  Each month we will feature a new story with someone who has real-life experience themselves or with loved-ones who suffer from depression, cyberbullying, substance abuse or suicide.  Social Media makes the world look amazing which in-turn makes us feel bad when our lives do not measure up.  It is important to understand the difference between the social media world and the real word.  We hope through these experiences, you will see:

1. You are not alone, many people suffer.
2. It is ok to not be ok, there is help.
3. You can overcome it, talk to others for support.

In this months real-life story, Charlotte shared how talking impacts her.  She is a 23-year-old suicide survivor who is now a mental health advocate and freelance writer, with a passion to raise awareness and remove stigma.  You can find her work at: www.charlotteunderwoodauthor.com or on Twitter at: @CUnderwookUK

How One Conversation Can Save A Life

As a teenager, it became quite apparent that my thoughts and feelings had developed into something more. It was past the point of ‘a phase’ or ‘hormones’, not that you should ever just assume the cause.

I was so confused, alone and even angry at my inability to be like everyone else. It seemed that no matter where I went, I was the odd one out. I felt like no one could possibly understand what I was going through, so it was best to deal with it in my own time.

What I did not realize, was that I was not alone, I just hadn’t reached out.

Trying to cope with a mental illness, when you do not really understand it, and you do not have the support that you rightly deserve and need, is incredibly hard. Inevitably, spending years trying to fight this mysterious voice in my head that would wound me any chance it got, led to me developing unhealthy coping mechanisms; which almost took my life.

What I have learned now, as a person with a better understanding and two feet firmly on the ground, is that all it would have taken, to make a great change to my life, is that if I reached out. Alternatively, if someone had just reached out to me, if they asked if I was ok and meant it, or they saw the signs and gave me a safe space, things would have been so different.

It took a suicide attempt for people to show they care, though, some people decided to ignore that it happened completely and I suppose, they didn’t take it seriously. It just stings to know that people are only willing to step in when you are almost dead.

It shouldn’t be that way. People who suffer from depression or any other mental illness are at risk of suicide. Some people talk about doing it, and they never do, yet there are so many others who do succeed; it’s not something that is ever worth the gamble.

Having just one conversation, taking the time out of our busy days to send a text, make a call or visit our loved ones, can be the conversation that saves a life. When we show a person they are loved, we provide them with the support that they have been secretly praying for, we also give them a sign that they are worth it, and they matter.

The next time that alarm bells ring, and you see someone you love struggling, don’t be afraid to talk to them. Talking about suicide will not cause them to do it.

Sometimes a plea for help can be a last resort, and they need someone to just let them know it’s ok, to prove that they should keep fighting; it’s complicated. So many times I have tried so hard to ask for help, but I can’t do it directly, the action that one person can make to remind me that my life is worth it, is more valuable than anything else.

And if you are contemplating suicide, please know that this message is for you: Life is so hard, and you may feel overwhelmed or beaten down right now. The thing is, you’ve made it this far, you’ve survived all of your bad days and that shows so much strength. I cannot ask you to live for me, but I will ask that you know that you matter and that I, among many others, will listen; and we will always walk beside you.

If you would like to see more of her work, check out her site: www.charlotteunderwoodauthor.com

Or visit her on twitter: @CUnderwookUK